Canadian Flag - Animated hspacer.gif (833 bytes) Web-site Title: Canadian Bagpipe Links
Red Line
 

Home


Highland Games

Pipe Bands

Pipers' Pages

Piping Schools

Magazines

Associations

Retail

Drumming

Pipe Music

Miscellaneous

Under the Kilt?

Auld Lang Syne

Me & My Piping

Bagpipe Humour

Graphics

Search My Site

GuestBook

Site Map


Links to other web-sites will open in a new window.

TAE A FERT

This poem is appropriate for reading to an audience shortly after they have eaten the haggis - you will need an audience with a sense of humour!

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind.

The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin’ all ower the place.

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A’bodys gonnae have tae pay
Even if ye try to stifle,
It’s like a bullet oot a rifle.

Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shift yersel frae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek.

But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap a thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom!

God almighty it fairly reeks;
Hope I huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma worry.

A’body roon aboot me chokin,
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I’ll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile.

Wis him! I shout with accusin glower,
Alas too late, he’s just keeled ower
Ye dirty bugger they shout and stare
I dinnae feel welcome any mair.

Where ere ye go let yer wind gan free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o won wee ferty.

The author is unknown, although it is definitely a takeoff on Burns’ “To a Mouse”.
Contributed by David Hain, Brockville, Ontario, who certainly livened up our Band’s Christmas Party with his reading of the above, shortly after Burns’ Address to the Haggis!
I have received two separate e-mails telling me the author is definitely.....
1.   Bert Bell of Dumbarton
2.   Roy Williamson of Humberside, Yorkshire

Line

Bagpipe Humour Pages

Page 1: Introduction to the Humour Section
Page 2: Short Jokes
Page 3: Longer Jokes
Page 4: Cartoons
Page 5: Drumming Jokes
Page 6: Slogans for T-Shirts
Page 7: Agony-bag Angst
...an article by Rod McDonald, Globe and Mail, July 28, 2000.
Page 8: Tae a Fert
...a hilarious poem appropriate for reading after eating the haggis!

Line

Home | Games | Pipe Bands | Pipers’ Pages
Piping Schools | Magazines | Associations | Retail | Drumming
Pipe Music | Miscellaneous | Under the Kilt? | Auld Lang Syne | Me & My Piping
Bagpipe Humour | Graphics | Search My Site | GuestBook | Site Map

Line

Last Update: Friday, February 18, 2005
Web-site by