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BAGPIPE HUMOUR
ON
T-SHIRTS

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Bagpipe Humour Section

Page 1: Introduction to the Humour Section
Page 2: Short Jokes
Page 3: Longer Jokes
Page 4: Cartoons
Page 5: Drumming Jokes
Page 6: Slogans for T-Shirts
Page 7: Agony-bag Angst
...an article by Rod McDonald, Globe and Mail, July 28, 2000.
Page 8: Tae a Fert
...a hilarious poem appropriate for reading after eating the haggis!

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T-SHIRT SLOGANS
 

Zudupiper (who has since passed away) requested suggestions for T-Shirt Slogans in the rec.music.makers.bagpipe newsgroup. These were the public submissions:

Eat, sleep, pipe...what else is there?

Junior Varsity Pipe Band

Coed Naked Pipe Band

Pipers do it with variations on the ground.

(on the front): MARCH, JIG, REEL, What else is there?
(on the back): Strathspey!

Been There.
Drone That.

When Piping in the forest
Even the best birds are quiet.

Don't do it with an old bag...

Old pipe majors never die...They just drone on and on and on........

Canmore (or insert other thing), it's not my bag, baby!

I bet my blowpipe is longer than yours.

(on the front): Pipe from the heart!!!!
(on the back): Braveheart!!!!

MacDougall Drones - $5,000
Sinclair Chanter - $1000
Perfect MacAlester Reed - $7
Losing your flapper valve halfway through the Crunaluath doubling in competition - Priceless

How about a David Letterman-esque.
"Top 10 reasons I play the bagpipe............"
number 10: filled with soap, doubles as a bubble pipe for the kiddies.
number 9: converts easily to a hookah for after practice partying

(on the front): Blow Tone!
(on the back): I'm Tone!!!

Please don’t feed beer to the drummers.

Smokin' Pipes
(written under a picture of a bagpipe with smoke curling out of the drones, superimposed over the score of "Nimble Digits")

Bagpipes – putting the FUN back in FUNERAL.

Bagpipes – Not just for funerals anymore.

Piping .... What’s up with that?

(on the front): Feather bonnet - $XX, Tunic - $xx " etc...
(with a diagram of a piper with arrows to all the different parts)
(on the back): Being the last one standing in the beer tent - Priceless!

Piping: It's not just for the reel birly guys!!

Bagpipers... Cane Reed Music

(In a yellow caution sign): Bagpiper

(Picture: a yellow caution sign with a black piper silhouette)

I play highland games.

Bagpipes - a flute on steroids.

Saxophones are for those who can't play the pipes.

Just Pipe It.

The Reel Thing.

This Bag's For You.

Things go better with pipes.

Get piped!

Bagpipes... not just for Scots anymore.

Just say Piobaireachd!

Bagpipers... just slightly behind the times.
(although this might be a better one for drummers) ;-)

ET never went home. He wrote a book for Pipe Majors.

ET never went home. He's my P/M, (bass drummer, drum major)

Elvis never died. He's making bagpipes in Dobbs Ferry.

You toucha my pipes. I breaka you face.

Wanna confuse P/M? Move one of his drones but don't tell him which one.

Why did they call it a Kilt? Cause someone got "kilt" when he called it a skirt.

Piping. Give it a Birl.

My other hobby is Paki bashing.

I used to be a computer hack.

Pipers do it with Amazing Grace.

Have the Amazing Grace.

Ask me to play my favourite tune.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The Hen's March

All pipers blow!

Blow me.
(Picture: a set of pipes)

Blown hard, put away wet.

Get a Lemluath!

Get a Grip!

I'm wearing a kilt, playing the pipes and the best question you can come up with is "Are you Irish?"

Bagpiper. Yugotta prollem widad?

Loud Drums Save Pipes.

We're Making Music, Dammit!

(Picture: Piper in camo, piping in a "duck" hunters blind....)

(Picture: Loch Ness Monster peeking out from behind a boulder...)
Here, Nessie, Nessie, Nessie!!!!

I don’t SUFFER from insanity…
I ENJOY every minute of it….

Yeah, I want bagpipes at my funeral too.

There's no excuse for an out-of-tune bagpipe.

If you died tomorrow, would you be playing for a crappy bagpipe band?

THIS IS HOW THEY WORK!
(with complex diagram of airflow through pipes)

The Drummer made me do it.

Class II permit required.

I play the bagpipes and I vote!

Bagpipes...How sweet the sound.

Bagpipes.  There's no sweeter sound...
except from a jackhammer!

Good pipers keep it clean.

Scottish Hot Air Balloon

Scottish Windbag

I'm Full of Hot Air.

I've got smallpipes....or at least that's what the females tell me

Ya think my legs are ugly,
you should see my wife's!

Good pipers do it with clean fingerings?

"Good pipers keep it clean"
Especially and even when playing

Reed all about it.

World Domination Through Bagpipes

Strathspey.  It's a Scottish thing...you wouldn't understand.

Got Pipes?

Pipers Get No Rest
(with a graphic of the appropriate music notation crossed out)

(on dad's/mother's T-shirt): So many tunes, so little time!
(on the little kid's T-shirt): So many tunes, lots of time!

And the winner, as determined by he who held the contest, was:

Piobaireachd... If you can't say it, you can't play it!

Some other slogans:

We spend half our lives tuning and the other half playing out of tune.

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Bagpipe Humour Pages

Page 1: Introduction to the Humour Section
Page 2: Short Jokes
Page 3: Longer Jokes
Page 4: Cartoons
Page 5: Slogans for T-Shirts
Page 6: Agony-bag Angst
...an article by Rod McDonald, Globe and Mail, July 28, 2000.
Page 7: Tae a Fert
...a hilarious poem appropriate for reading after eating the haggis!

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The tune you are hearing is The Mason's Apron.

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Last Update: Tuesday, November 18, 2008
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